Abusing Christmas Decorations

Surely no one will be interested in reading about my family’s quirky behavior at Christmastime. But, I’m sorry…this is just funny to me.

Years ago, someone – I think it was an aunt, or maybe my mom – gave us a snowman decoration as a Christmas gift. As an oh-so-cultured and aesthetically sensitive fine artist, I thought it was kind of tacky. However, as our tolerance for tackiness necessarily goes up at Christmastime, we continued to set the decoration out each year. Also, our daughter liked it. The decoration consists of 4 pegged blocks with letters on them, with 4 little detachable, smiling, sparkly snowmen, whose little snowman rectums fit over the pegs. The letters are very limited in their scope of possibilities. There are lots of “o”s. You’re supposed to spell out words like “JOY”, “SNOW”, and “NOEL.” Like this:

Abusing Xmas decorWell, in a house full of artists, theatre people, and word freaks, I suppose it was inevitable that one day I would look over and see this:

Abusing Xmas decor-SOY…And that was all it took. (Thank you, Lee.)

Now, in the midst of all of the truly meaningful celebration that Christmas brings, we have the stupid snowman decoration. Even worse, for ten years now its place has been the bathroom, which means that no one ever gets caught messing with it. Days will go by after you’ve finally begun to ignore the latest permutation. Then as you’re drying your hands, you look over and see this:

Abusing Xmas decor-SNOOPor this:

Abusing Xmas decor-YES/NOThings started out somewhat tastefully. But as years have progressed, it’s been harder to come up with new words. After all there are only 4 blocks, and some letters repeat. (For you word freaks, there are only ten letters: S,N,J,H,O,Y,P,E,L, & W.) And they’re in a fixed position on the blocks, limiting one’s options even more. So this really does present a patron with something to think about when answering nature’s call.

Sometimes removing the snowmen from their pegs helps:

Tacky Xmas decorationsWe’ve realized it’s possible to flip some letters to increase our options. Adding an “M” probably gave us a whole season’s worth of new possibilities:

Snowman gender is a social construct (I’ll agree that gender is a social construct in the case of snowmen.)

Fun with Xmas decor!Then someone (okay…me) started adding additional bath-roomy elements. Like toilet paper:

Fun with snowmen!And shampoo:

Winter fun with toiletries!There is the occasional borrowing from other Christmas decorations:

More fun with Xmas decor!I’ve stopped bothering to warn our guests about the decoration, so I can only wonder what impression they leave with.

SONY That’s “all I got” this time. I hope this has been fascinating for everyone. Part of me would love to hear your favorite stories about tacky Christmas trappings, in the combox below.

May you and your loved ones have a wonderful Christmas Season!

I leave you with this simple holiday(?) message:

YOLO snowmen

( Got kids in your life that you love? Please sign up to be notified of my new children’s book releases- HERE! )

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2 comments on “Abusing Christmas Decorations

  1. Jan Avery says:

    Man, this made me smile– thank you so much!!! I absolutely LOVED this. I thought *my* family was the only one that did goofy stuff like this. It made me think of one particular Christmas: I always used to tease my mom by saying she liked my older sister best– you know how those things go… In her retirement, Mom painted china as a hobby. One year, I took a broken plate that she had, and glued it back together with hot-glue– VERY sloppily, mind you, and wrapped it up for my sister for Christmas. On the tag, I wrote: “To my favorite daughter, Love, Mom”, and put it under the tree. When Cynthia (my sister) opened it up, I got the BEST picture of her– laughing so hard she actually cried…

    Wow– I wish I could go back and do some of that stuff with my loved ones again.

    Merriest of Christmases to all!!!

    — jan

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